Only Her Hologram Knows For Sure

By Maquis Leader




Rated NC17

Author’s note: Takes place after Human Error but isn’t necessarily an episode add-on



“Wait… stop… “ Kathryn pushed at his shoulders trying to push him off of her.


“Just a little more, Kathryn…” Chakotay rubbed himself harder against her, his mouth seeking hers once again.


“No, no!” She squirmed out from under him, pulling her skirt down and her blouse closed. “We have to stop.”


Panting with need, he laid back on the sofa. “Kathryn, please…” He let the plea trail off at the frightened look in her eyes.


Licking her lips, she stared at his big hand rubbing the hardon between his thighs. “Please don’t ask.”


Getting painfully to his feet, he closed his pants and kissed her gently before leaving her quarters.


Collapsing on the sofa, Kathryn buried her face in her hands.





On the Bridge the next morning, Chakotay greeted Kathryn with a smile as he sat down in his command chair. How could the man be so cheerful? She’d been so aroused; it took forever to get to sleep.


“Captain, I have an important matter to discuss with you.” The Doctor’s voice caused her to jump.


“Certainly, Doctor. In my ready room.”




“As you can see, this is quite a dilemma. Normally, this would be brought to the first officer’s attention. However…” The Doctor paused in his pacing. “That didn’t seem like a good idea in this case.”


“No, I don’t suppose it did.” Kathryn looked over the PADD again. To say she was shocked was an understatement.


“Also, there’s the issue of doctor/patient confidentiality here.” He was pacing again. “ However, Starfleet regulations are quite clear on the usage of holograms to portray other crew members.”


“Number one, doctor/patient confidentiality must yield to ship safety and well being. Number two, in this case it is clearly acceptable to step outside the chain of command.” She set the PADD down on the desk. “And number three, Doctor, you’re making me dizzy.”


“Sorry, Captain.” He sat down in the chair across from her.


“I’ll handle the situation. For now, not a word to Commander Chakotay. Let’s not make this any more of an issue than it already is.”


“My lips are sealed, Captain.”


“Good. Dismissed.”



After the Doctor left, Kathryn stared at the report again. Unbelievable! Seven had programmed a hologram of Chakotay for romantic situations. Unfortunately for her, the sessions had caused her cortical implant to short out and the Doctor had found out.


First order of business was to pull Seven’s program out of the holodeck system. “Computer, bring up a list of any holodeck programs that include current Voyager crew members.”


“There are currently 250 such programs.”


“250? Seems Seven’s not the only one bending the rules. Computer, remove security training scenarios from the list. Also remove programs that do not contain sexual situations and/or violence. How many are left?”




“Well, that’s a little easier to deal with.”


An hour later, she’d waded through an astonishing variety of pornographic programs. There were things in some of these programs she hadn’t even imagined two people could do. Let alone three or four! Even with extra things. And what Rollings was doing would likely end in his murder if Chakotay ever found out. If she didn’t beat him to it. Good Lord, how could he think Chakotay would want to do that?


Kathryn shook that picture off and continued down the list. The Delaney sisters were by far the crewmembers of choice, followed surprisingly enough by Harry Kim. Seemed the women of Voyager found him irresistible. Chakotay was also a big favorite. Talk about one extreme to the other. None of them included a hologram of her and Kathryn wasn’t sure if she should be pleased or insulted. The only program she was currently starring in featured her death and dismemberment in some slow and creative ways.


“Computer, amend list to include author, users, and dates accessed.”


“List amended.”


So Seska had written the one where she was tortured. No surprise there. It hadn’t been accessed since she’d left the ship, thank heavens. At least no one wanted to kill her. Lately.


She wasn’t surprised to see a good number of these pornograhic programs had been written by Tom Paris. The surprise was that Harry was the one logging the most hours in those programs. Tom’s name wasn’t listed even once. Kathryn was secretly pleased to note Chakotay’s name wasn’t listed anywhere.


Tapping the screen highlighted Seven’s program and the others that involved Chakotay’s hologram. “Computer, move all programs except highlighted files to new file marked for Commander Chakotay’s attention. Restrict access to Commander Chakotay and myself.”


“Unable to comply.”


“What? Why not?


“File ‘cold shower’ is encrypted and cannot be moved.”


“Display that file.”


“Unable to comply.”


Time to remind the computer who was the boss. “Computer, override encryption. Authorization Janeway Zeta Tao.”


“Override accepted. Displaying file.” A previously hidden program appeared.


“Oh. My. God!”




“Commander Chakotay to my ready room, now!” Chakotay’s eyebrows rose at the bark in the Captain’s command. Nodding at Tuvok, he walked the short distance to the ready room. The doors opened as he approached. “You wanted to see me, Captain?”


She tossed a PADD at him. “What the hell is this?”


“What?” He caught the PADD before it could hit him in the chest. “Oh. I can explain.”


“You damn well better!”


“I – I – “ He was at a complete loss for words.


“The only reason you’re not in the brig is that I don’t want to explain this to Tuvok!” Kathryn was seething. “How could you?”


“How could I? What do you expect me to do?” His own anger was quickly matching hers. “You tease and torment me, then tell me ‘no we mustn’t break protocol’!”


“I never tease you!”


“What the hell else would you call it?” He threw the PADD on her desk. “You’re willing to kiss and play, but stop short of actually making love to me! I’m not a eunuch, Kathryn, I need some relief!”


She dropped back into her chair. She knew it was unfair, but rules were rules. “You couldn’t just make up some woman?”


“I tried.” Chakotay ran a hand through his hair. “I tried holovid stars, I tried creating a woman of my people, hell, I even let the computer randomly generate women – it’s not the same.”


“A hologram is a hologram, Chakotay.”


“No, no it’s not.” How could he explain how empty they made him feel? “Was Michael Sullivan the same?”


“We’re not talking about me.” He’d been no substitute for Chakotay, no matter how hard she’d tried to pretend otherwise.


“I need you, Kathryn, only you.” He smiled sadly. “And this is as close as I can get. You want me to wait – and I want to – but sometimes…”


“A man has needs, I know.” Going around her desk, she wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”


“It doesn’t!” He shook off her embrace. “You’re scared and you’re using Starfleet rules to hide behind.”


“This is a Starfleet ship.”


“No, this is a lost ship and the rules don’t always apply to us anymore.” He stood up. “If you’re done lecturing me, Captain, I’ll get back to the bridge.”


“Dismissed.” She turned her back as he walked out.




The rest of the shift passed in silence. When she returned to the bridge, Chakotay had asked permission very formally to go to his office to work on reports. She’d given her approval just as formally.


Sitting in her quarters looking at the cold dinner on the table, Kathryn realized he wasn’t coming for their dinner date. Not that she blamed him. He was right. They’d fallen into a habit of indulging in serious sexual foreplay almost every night. It had started out innocently enough with just a kiss or two before he left. Lately things had gotten more and more heated until last night her was actually on the verge of thrusting himself inside of her when she’d stopped him. Letting him rub the head along her wet and aching center had seemed like a good idea at the time.


There’d been a mutual decision that if they could both come without any penetration it wasn’t sex, so no rules were broken. Unfortunately, Chakotay couldn’t help trying to push himself inside of her. He’d done it slowly and had the head in before she realized what he was doing. Just thinking about what had almost happened started the ache between her legs. Oh, God, it wasn’t fair! She needed fucked so badly! He was right; holograms weren’t the same at all.


Kathryn could forgive him creating the program to use as a release. It had just been such a shock to find it in the database. And to see that he’d used it last night after he’d left her quarters.


Getting to her feet, she walked next door to his quarters. The door opened for her on the first chime. Chakotay was sitting on the sofa with a glass in his hand. “Weren’t you worried someone else would find it?” She asked.


“Nobody’s found it in seven years. I had it hidden and heavily encrypted.” He took a drink. “Or so I thought.”


“I was looking for something else and stumbled across it.”


“Yeah, I got the file you forwarded. Should I discipline myself along with the others?” Another swig emptied his glass.


Watching him pour more of a brown liquid into his glass from a square bottle, Kathryn asked. “Should you be drinking this?” Picking up the bottle she read the label. “Old Number Seven?”


“Worried your Indian can’t handle his firewater?” Chakotay inhaled the fumes coming from his glass. “Don’t worry, I promise not to leave my tepee.”


“Chakotay!” She was surprised to hear him bring up a stereotype image that she knew he disliked.


“Don’t worry, it’s not racist if I say it.” He drained his glass again. “Now if you’d said it, that would be racist.”


“I think you’ve had enough.” Kathryn took the bottle and put it in the recycler. “You should’ve had synthahol.”


“What I should’ve had is you.” He stared at her hungrily. “The first day. Right on your desk. The whole time you were talking about uniting our crews, I was thinking about fucking your brains out. Should have made that a condition to taking the job.”


So much for his previous avowal of love at first sight. “I wouldn’t have agreed to that.”


“Wouldn’t you?” He laughed as he stood up unsteadily. “You needed me to control the Maquis. I should’ve made your ass part of the deal.”


Shocked, she watched him come towards her. His gaze held her trapped, a rabbit watching the wolf approach. His hands closed painfully on her shoulders. “You’d have agreed -- you’d have had to.”


Kathryn shook her head denying his words, but knowing that she would have. Her crew wouldn’t have been able to get this far alone. “I want to see it.” She said suddenly.


“What?” It was his turn to be shocked.


“I want to see it – see her. I want to see what kinds of degrading things you have me doing.”


“Kathryn, it’s nothing like that.” Chakotay shook his head. “But you don’t want –“


“Yes, I do. Now.”



Going to the holodeck, Chakotay started the program with instructions to ignore Kathryn’s presence. His quarters formed around them. “Kathryn?” He called out.


“In here!” A voice came out of the bedroom.


“Of course she is.” Kathryn said sarcastically.


Ignoring her, Chakotay went into the bedroom to find his holo-Kathryn wrapped in a towel, her hair and skin still damp. “I hope you don’t mind. I spent the last two hours crawling through Jeffries tubes looking for a faulty relay.”


Kathryn frowned, that was exactly what she’d been doing earlier today. “I have the computer update her with your personal logs.” He told her softly.


“Forget about your logs for tonight, Chakotay.” The hologram patted the bed. “That’s an order.”


Looking from Kathryn to holo-Kathryn, he shrugged. Why the hell not? She wanted to see – she could see it all. “Aye-aye, Captain.”


Wrapping her damp arms around his neck, the hologram lifted her mouth to his. Her lips opened under his and he plunged his tongue into her warm wet mouth. Holograms couldn’t kiss as well as a real person, but she was pretty damn close. Maybe because she had so much practice. “Have you been drinking?” She asked when he came up for air.


Tugging the towel off, Chakotay took her breasts in his hands. “So soft…” He lowered his head to catch a nipple in his mouth. There was a gasp from the hologram and one from the real Kathryn. You wanted to see. Holo-Kathryn pulled his shirt off, tossing it away. Her hands ran over his chest.


Kathryn watched as he pushed her hologram back on the bed and parted her legs. Undoing his pants, he laid his body down on hers. He was kissing her again, cutting off the moans she made as his fingers slid inside of her. “Tell me you want me.” He ordered.


“Oh, Chakotay, I want you so very much…” Holo-Kathryn whispered.


Entering her with one swift thrust, he gave her a moment to adjust to him before he began pumping into her hard and fast. Grunting, he worked himself to his climax.


Wrapping her legs around his hips, holo-Kathryn met him move for move. Her moans became higher pitched, her movements more frantic until she stiffened under him and cried out. A few more hard thrusts and Chakotay collapsed on top of her.


Getting up from her, he took the towel and tenderly wiped his seed from her. Kissing her one last time, he ended the program. “Happy now?” He fastened his pants and shrugged back into his shirt.


The doors of the holodeck hissed open and he turned to find himself alone. For a moment he debated turning the program back on so he could lie in her arms, but decided against it. Her comfort was nice, but it wasn’t real.


On the long walk back to his quarters, Chakotay wondered if he’d done irreparable harm to his relationship with Kathryn. A hologram would be cold comfort if he’d lost the friendship of the real woman. The woman he loved.


Keying open his door, he began pulling his clothes off as soon as it closed behind him. Stopping to drink the last drops of whiskey from his glass, he set it in the recycler on his way to the bedroom. Collapsing on the bed, the heaviness in his heart dragged him down.


He lay there for sometime, face buried in his pillow when the sound of water dripping disturbed him. Just what he needed, a leaky faucet. Rolling out of bed, he padded to the bathroom. The sound of water dripping came from the long white leg that was being thoroughly soaped as it was held above the water.


“Come on in, Chakotay, the water’s fine.” Kathryn gave him the slight crooked smile he loved so well.


“How can I be sure you’re not going to drown me?” The look in his black velvet eyes told her he thought murder was a definite possibility.


“Guess you’ll just have to take your chances.”


Kneeling next to the tub, he leaned over to kiss her, seeking the answer in her kiss. Her teeth bit down on his bottom lip with just enough pressure to tease, but not hurt. Water ran down his back and sides as her wet hands slid over his shoulders urging him into the tub.


Stepping into the warm water, Chakotay settled against the back of the tub. He felt silly surrounded by a mountain of bubbles. “Now what?”


“Now I need you to wash my back.” Turning, she presented her back to him.


He poured soap onto the palm of one hand. “No more games, Kathryn.”


“No more games.” She agreed.


Soaping her slender shoulders, he kneaded the muscles, drawing a moan from her.


“You were enjoying yourself just a little too much.” She said quietly.


“She feels… real.” He pulled her back to rest against his chest. He loved her skin; it was so pale compared to his own. It was so very erotic to cover her white breasts and rosy nipples with his brown hands.


“Does she feel better than I do?”


“Never. Photons and force fields can’t compare to you.” Drizzling more soap down the valley between her breasts, he chased it onto her belly with his hands.


“I’m curious. How did you get the…” How could she word this? “Measurements right?”


“Your measurements are in the database. I just had it use – “ Chakotay paused. “Which measurements are you talking about?”


“The ones – the – you know – inside?” She’d hate to be bested by her own hologram.


“Inside? Uh, I guess it uses your medical exams. I never really thought about it.” The hologram had always felt perfectly nice and tight. He’d assumed the computer used a standard setting for females.


“What if you don’t like the way I feel?” she asked quietly.


“Kathryn, that’s not going to happen.” One hand slid over her mound, tangling in the auburn curls.


“What if I’m not tight enough?” Her voice was barely a whisper. She was genuinely worried Chakotay wouldn’t be pleased with her. “Suppose the computer fit her to you?”


His laughter vibrated against her back. “I think I might have noticed if her pussy suddenly changed sizes.”


Kathryn didn’t know what excited her more, his fingers rubbing against her, or the dirty word. “Did you talk dirty to her?”


“Sometimes.” His eyebrows went up. She thought pussy was a dirty word? Poor repressed baby. “Sometimes I liked to tell her how much I wanted to fuck her.” He was rewarded for that word as she wiggled her backside against his erection.


“What did she say back?”


“Kathryn, are you wanting me to talk dirty to you?” As he watched, a delightful blush covered her face. Laughing, he kissed her red cheeks and began to tell her in explicit detail what he planned to do to her.


Gasping at the crude words, Kathryn pushed his hand down to the throbbing between her legs. Strong fingers slid easily inside of her, thrusting to punctuate the actions he was describing. Sparks were shooting through her, setting her body on fire. Her fingers joined his in rubbing the swollen bud, bringing her screaming to her orgasm.


Cradling her against him, Chakotay lifted her to position himself at her opening. “I love you, Kathryn.”


“Wait, wait!” She scrambled out of his arms.


“Kathryn, we agreed, no more games!” His cry was one of pure frustration.


“Let’s go in the bedroom.” She rinsed the soap off herself. “I want to lay under you, watch your face above me while we make love.”


Rinsing the soap off his own body, he followed her back into the bedroom. Catching her before she could lay down, he pulled her against him and lowered his mouth to hers. Tracing the edges of her lips with his tongue, teasing her mouth open, he coaxed her tongue to come out and play.


Moaning into his mouth, Kathryn rubbed herself against him. Her hands slid down his back to the trim waist then over the taut rounded buttocks. Squeezing and kneading them, she held him to her, grinding his erection between their bodies. Chakotay growled at the delicious friction, thrusting himself hard against her soft belly.


The bed bumped into the back of her legs as he walked them backwards. Falling onto the bed, he tried to catch his weight on his hands to keep from crushing her, but her arms went around his back to pull him down onto her. Grunting from the weight of his body, Kathryn locked her legs around him to hold him to her. Between their bodies, her hand pressed his hardness to her, trying to take him inside.


“Wait.” As much as he longed to bury himself inside of her heat, the fear that he might hurt her held him back. For the last seven years she had, with rare exception, been almost completely celibate. Their recent activity not withstanding, she’d not had much more than his two fingers inside of her for quite sometime.


“Chakotay, now please!” The blue eyes pleaded with him. “I need you inside of me!”


Testing her with his fingers, he found she was wet and slick. He hoped it would be enough. “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop.” Slowly he pushed himself into her inch by careful inch. Her body arched up under him and she cried out. “Kathryn, am I hurting you?”


“No, oh God, it’s wonderful! You feel so good!” She tightened her legs around him and pulled him in deeper. “Yes…”


Releasing the reins of his control, he plunged fully into her. The pent up frustration of the past seven years came pouring out, urging him to take her – punish her for making him wait. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he pulled her head back exposing her neck, nipping and biting at the soft skin.


Kathryn sucked her breath in at the stinging pain. She’d always marveled at the length and thickness of him and wondered how it would feel to have him inside of her. The pleasure far exceeded the discomfort and she locked her legs around him, urging him deeper. Meeting his driving thrusts, she tugged on the raven hair until his mouth was over hers. Her tongue danced into his mouth to play with his.


The fire and lightning crashing through her began building into an unbearable pressure. Her nails dug into Chakotay’s back as she arched into him straining to take him deep enough to touch that place just out of reach.


Pulling her legs from around his waist, he laid them over his arms and pressed her thighs against her chest. Bracing himself on his forearms, he pumped faster straining to reach the climax that seemed just out of reach. Her teeth sank into his shoulder drawing a grunt of pain from him as she marked him. Opening his eyes, he looked down into her rapt expression, her eyes focused on something only she could see as her body convulsed under his.


Kathryn was dimly aware of Chakotay collapsing on top of her. She wrapped her legs around him again and cradled him in her arms, his head resting on her breasts. “I love you, Chakotay.”


“Love you, too.” He breathed against her skin.





“You’re going to delete me, aren’t you?”


Chakotay knew he shouldn’t be surprised by her question. He’d gotten the feeling some time ago that his holo-Kathryn had gained a level of sentience. Probably as a result of constantly being updated with Kathryn’s logs and his frequent visits. “I have to.”


“Have I ordered you to?” The hologram was staring out the viewport. “I’m jealous, I guess.”


“No and yes.” He went to her and put his arms around her waist.


“So you’re going to delete me to spare her feelings?”


“No, it’s just that – “ Why was this so hard? She’s a hologram! Just spit it out! “I don’t need you anymore.” He immediately regretted being so blunt. A cry tore from her and she slumped onto the ledge under the viewport.


Hologram or not, it broke his heart to hear her cry. “Please don’t cry.” Pulling her into his arms, he held her to his chest. “Please.”


“This doesn’t look like its going well, Chakotay.” Kathryn said from behind him. “What did you say?”


“That I didn’t need her anymore.”


“Tell me again how you think this would be nicer than just deleting her.” She put a hand on her hologram’s shoulder.


Holo-Kathryn lifted her head from his chest. The blue eyes were hurt but defiant.


“He thought he should talk to you first. You’ve been a great comfort to him. Thank you.” She extended her hand to the hologram.


For a long moment the hologram stared at her angrily. Then she smiled crookedly. “So you finally threw protocol out the window, huh?” She took Kathryn’s hand. “I know how much you wanted to.”


“Yes, I suppose you would.” Some of her log entries were quite explicit.


“I don’t want to die.” She turned her face away from Kathryn.


“She knows she’s a hologram. I think she’s almost like the doctor.” Chakotay rubbed holo-Kathryn’s back. “Guess I spent too much time with her.”


“You don’t have to rub it in.” Kathryn gave him the same crooked smile. “You don’t have to delete her, Chakotay.”


“I don’t?” He had thought she was jealous of the hologram.


“No, this way she’s always here if you need her. When I’m too big and pregnant to make love to you, you can come visit.” She laughed at the look on his face. Her hologram laughed along with her.


Giving holo-Kathryn one last kiss and hug, Chakotay ended the program.


“Who knows, I might get the urge to do something kinky one night.”




She gave him a wink as she headed out the holodeck door.



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