Begin A New Day
Chapter 5
“I don’t know what to do.” Buffy laid her head down on her arms. “He won’t eat; he just lays in bed all day.”
“You said he was staring out the window last night.” Willow said. “That’s some variety.”
“Yeah, he broods in a different place.”
“Sugar, you have to be sensitive to Angel’s needs. Understand his pain.” Lorne patted Buffy's shoulder. “And then you give him a good slap upside the head. Tell the big lug to shape up.”
Willow giggled as Buffy's head popped up. For a moment her mouth hung open, and then she grinned and nodded.
Lorne smiled as she trotted up the stairs. “By George, I think she’s got it.”
“Angel?” Buffy shut the door to Angel’s suite. “Angel, are you awake?”
There was no response from the big lump of blankets in the middle of the bed. Kicking off her shoes, she crawled into bed next to him. Curving her body around his, she stroked his face and hair.
Angel tensed, waiting for her to start trying to get him up and out of bed. Buffy was constantly trying to make him eat and move around.
It’s either that or start dusting you. Er… getting the dust off you, I mean. Dusting being a bad thing in general.
After a few moments, he relaxed again as she said nothing, merely lying beside him. Her heartbeat was comforting and the soft sound of her blood singing through her veins lulled him back to his somnolent state.
“He was brave, Angel.” Buffy said softly. “Proud to be a champion.” Angel tensed against her. “It’s so unfair, all of it.”
Oh, boo hoo! Angelus sneered.
It was unfair, and Angel was glad Buffy was beginning to see that.
“He fought so well, right to the end.” She continued. “We’d have lost without him.”
Angel rolled over and buried his face in her throat, seeking comfort in her warmth. Yes, yes…
Now you’re both making me sick.
“He wasn’t afraid to die, I don’t think.” She kissed his cheek.
“He was brave.”
A smile curved her lips at Angel’s whisper. “Yes, he was.”
Isn’t it bad enough that you’re weeping over the brat? Now you got her doing it!
Buffy continued to tell Angel everything he wanted to hear. It was unfair and awful and horrible to have to kill your own child. Even to save the world. When he was responding and talking to her, the chocolate eyes looking soulfully into hers, she threaded her fingers into his hair. “Now snap out of it!”
He blinked in surprise, and Angelus howled in laughter. “But you said you understood.”
Sucker!
“I do. So get over the pity party!”
“You just expect me to forget I killed my own child? The only child I’ll ever have!” He pulled back but she held tightly to his hair.
“No, I don’t.” She rested her forehead against his. “I do expect you to accept it. It was all prophesied. Connor’s birth and his death. He was born to save the world. Don’t cheapen his death with your guilt.”
“He was my son – “
“No – “ She shook her head. “Vampires cannot have children. You know that.”
“This was – he was special… “ His voice trailed off.
Ow! Point to Buffy!
“Think about the prophecy that said the Master was going to kill me. Even knowing about it – it still happened.”
“I remember.”
Rat faced bastard. There was a growl at the memory.
“It was written centuries ago that Connor would be born and die at your hand – Angelus’ actually.”
Thank you.
“What about Sahjhan? He screwed with the prophecies to save himself.”
“Which didn’t work, by the way.” Buffy pointed out. “And how do you know that wasn’t part of it? That it’s not written down somewhere that he’d tamper with them?”
“And actually be setting them right?” Angel said slowly.
“All of it, Angel – Wes trying to protect Connor – Holtz raising him – all of it.” Relaxing her grip on his hair, she massaged his scalp gently. “There was no way we could stop it.”
He struggled to see it from her viewpoint. Could it be true
that Connor had been born for only one reason?
You think? Vamps don’t have babies, moron. The demon snickered. You think it’s an accident that killing Connor killed the Beast?
“Angel, you had a child to love. And he loved you. No matter how it ended.” Buffy smiled sadly. “You had that love.”
“He hated me.”
“He didn’t know you.” She frowned at him. “We’ve had this conversation, remember? When Connor was a baby, he loved you. End of story.”
“Yeah, he did.” The memory of Connor babbling and giggling came back to him. “But his life – “
“Short and bad. I know.” For a moment, his face had softened, and Buffy felt a spark of hope that she was getting through. “Angel, Holtz cared for him. Connor wouldn’t have loved him otherwise. And he did train Connor – without his help, we wouldn’t have lasted long enough for Angelus to figure out what had to be done.”
And I would have cheerfully done it sooner, had I known.
“Angelus loved killing Connor.”
Oh, yeah…
“Oh, yeah.” Buffy agreed. “And before you start wallowing in guilt again – it was Angelus. Not you. You were gone.” He started to speak, and she laid a hand over his mouth. “You. Were. Gone.”
That’s right, you were gone, Soul Boy. And I had your life, your Buffy, and I killed your brat with your sword!
Angel’s eyes were slightly unfocused and she knew he was listening to Angelus. “Could you have killed him, Angel?”
“I don’t know.”
No.
“When it came down to it, you would have. The same way I sent you to Hell. Because I had to.” She bit her lip at the memory. “Maybe The Powers That Be did it this way to spare you. God knows you carry around enough guilt already.”
“I’m not as strong as you are.” He shook his head, unsure if he would have been able to kill his own son even to save the world.
Said son then dying with the rest of the world. Hello? Not getting it, are you?
“Bull. You walked away from me when you didn’t want to.”
“That’s because I’m a coward.”
I’ll second that.
“Bigger bull. I read your journals, Angel.” The pages had been covered with his loneliness and his need of her. “I read about how hard it was for you to leave and all the times you almost came back.”
I told him not to leave, by the way.
“You read them?”
“Well, duh.” She laughed. “You gave them to me.”
He ducked his head, grateful that he couldn’t blush. He had never intended for Buffy to see his journals until after he was dead.
You are dead.
Dust then! He had described his fantasies in detail. Intimate detail.
Don’t forget the drawings – that’s the best part.
“Don’t tell me you’re not strong. You carried that day around for three years. And you’ve never told anyone.”
Hearing the tears in her voice, Angel looked up to see her bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“No – no more sorry. No more guilt. I need everything – your reasons – I understand.” Tears overflowed and trickled down her cheeks. “I need you to be strong, Angel. I haven’t been able to be happy you’re alive. I haven’t been – able to hold you – and cry because – because you’re not dead.”
“Shh…” Pulling her into his arms, he tucked her head under his chin and held her tightly. “It’s okay now. Everything will be okay.”
Clutching him to her, Buffy let out the days of grief and pain along with the relief of finding him alive. Tears she had thought were cried out came pouring out of her. Angel rubbed a big hand along her back, rocking her and murmuring that he loved her.
Okay, purring. Angelus said. She likes the purring.
Since when do you care what anyone else likes?
I don’t. The demon said hastily. But she’s hurting my ears and getting my shirt wet.
Whatever. Angelus’ motives were suspect as always, but Angel settled into the soft purr that Buffy loved. Not like I wouldn’t have thought of it.
Whatever.
Nuzzling the honey blond hair, Angel breathed deeply of her vanilla laced scent. Footsteps in the hall alerted him before the door opened.
Lorne peeked around the edge of the door. “Well, I see you two haven’t killed each other. Always a good sign.”
Taking the glass Lorne offered, Angel drained it down, finding himself suddenly famished.
We didn’t have to be hungry. Angelus pointed out. Listen to Buffy's blood; it’s begging to be tasted.
I’m not the one who likes begging.
“Giles told me that having Buffy smack you might not be the best idea I’ve ever had.” He shrugged. “Who knew?”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Lorne watched Angel rock Buffy for a few moments. She had stopped crying and drifted off to sleep, the exhaustion of the last several days catching up to her at last. “I didn’t know vamps purred. Thought that was a myth.”
Angel nodded.
“It’s kind of nice. In a big-cat-man-eating-predator sort of way.”
I resemble that remark.
Angel arched an eyebrow but continued to purr.
“I take it you’re feeling better, buttercup?” Lorne smiled when Angel nodded. “Good. Good.”
Angel cocked his head to one side, sensing there was more coming.
“You gotta talk to Cordy. She’s locked herself in her room and won’t come out. We’ve been leaving food outside her door, and she takes it in. But she won’t talk to us.” He waved his hands. “She does set the dishes back out – the girl’s used to room service.”
Ducking his head, Angel was glad for the excuse of purring for not talking.
“I know how it is, tulip. Things are a bit sticky between you and the Princess.”
Sticky? There was a burst of mental laughter. Not to mention slippery and slimy.
“She’s really down. This demon baby thing has thrown her for the proverbial loop. Cordy hasn’t been biblical with anyone since she came from The Powers That Be land. Present company notwithstanding.” Worry creased Lorne’s face. “She’s scared about what she doesn’t remember. Or… what might have been done to her that she doesn’t remember.”
Oh, let’s hope it was painful!
Cordelia had reappeared with no explanation, and they still had no idea where she had been. The glimpse he had seen with the Axis of Pythia could have been an illusion to throw them off the trail. Angel nodded to let Lorne know he’d talk to Cordelia.
Smiling, Lorne sat for a moment, watching Angel brush his fingers over Buffy's face and hair before he got up. “I’ll leave the two of you alone, petunia. Before that sexy purr puts me to sleep.”
After Lorne left the room, Angel curled protectively around Buffy and let her heartbeat lull him back to sleep.
Buffy was kissing him, running her warm hands over him and rubbing her body against his. Her teeth nipped at him, and he rolled his head to bare his throat submissively to her. One warm hand slid down his belly, pushed under the waistband of his pants, and teased the head of his cock.
Angel moaned softly, trying to hang on to the wisps of his dream as he felt himself waking. “No…”
“Angel…”
“Yes…” Blinking, he realized it wasn’t a dream. Buffy was sucking and nipping at his throat while her warm, strong fingers wrapped firmly around his cock. “Buffy?”
“Good morning.” She rose up to kiss him, tonguing open his mouth to taste him.
Good morning, baby… Angelus purred. What a way to wake up!
“Um… good morning.” He gasped when she ended the kiss. She started kissing her way down his chest and belly, and he grabbed her as she tugged at the buttons of his pants. “Whoa!”
“I want to taste you.” The impish grin made her nose crinkle. “Don’t you want me to?”
Yes!
“Wait, wait!” He laughed as he pulled her back up to lie next to him. “No fair ambushing me while I’m asleep.”
“Ambushing sleeping vampires is part of my Slayer duties.”
“And raping them?”
It wouldn’t be rape, sister.
“Only the cute ones.” She giggled as he growled at her. “Only you!”
“Better be.” Rolling her onto her back, Angel pulled her t-shirt up and unhooked her bra. “Oh, God, I love your nipples.”
Me too… Angelus sighed.
Pulling off his own shirt, he rubbed himself against Buffy's belly and breasts, savoring the feel of her warmth. The pink nipples were hard against his chest as she arched up into him.
Capturing her breasts with his hands, Angel licked at her nipples as they peeked out from between his fingers. The contrast of gold and pink with his paleness teased his heightened senses, and he growled softly as he suckled at her.
Threading her fingers through the dark, silky hair, Buffy held his head to her as he sucked and licked. She couldn’t help giggling as he cupped her breasts together and slid his tongue down between them.
“Laughing at my technique?” He lifted his head and grinned at her.
“No.“
I am.
“Just hope you’re not trying to make them look like more than they are.”
“They’re perfect.” He kissed one wet nipple and then the other. “Anything more than a mouthful is a waste.”
“Sure, sure.” She gasped as he bit down gently. “Men want big boobs.”
Well, I wouldn’t say no…
“I’d look funny with big boobs, don’t you think?” Angel blew across her wet nipples making her shiver. “The low forehead and fangs is bad enough.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Um… hmm… “ Kissing his way down her body, Angel stopped to swirl his tongue in her navel. When she giggled again, he nipped at her flat belly. Buffy was ticklish in certain spots, and this was just one.
Hit that place on her inner thigh, will you? The demon panted. I like that little sound she makes.
The idea had merit, and Angel tugged down Buffy's shorts, pulling them off and tossing them on the floor. She started to pull off her panties as well, but he stopped her. “I like them.” The red lacy panties barely covered the dark blond curls, hiding just enough to excite him further. And red had its usual effect on him.
Nuzzling along the silk and lace, he pushed her legs apart to breathe in the scent of her arousal. Clean and pure – and wet. Nipping the inside of her thigh, he suckled at the golden skin while she shrieked with laughter and tried to squirm away.
Cupping his hands under her ass, Angel pressed his mouth to the damp silk, licking and sucking at her until her laughter turned to gasps of pleasure.
There’s those sounds… more…
Buffy held his head close to her, pulling her knees up and spreading them wide to give him better access to her. His tongue slid along the silk, teasing her. Close and so far at the same time. “More… Angel, more…”
“Always the impatient one, aren’t you, lass?” He laughed at the shiver that rippled through her body as he breathed across the wet silk.
Hooking his fingers in the material, Angel pulled the panties aside and slid his tongue along the delicate outer lips. She arched up with a soft cry, and he laughed again.
The cool tongue licking and laving at her made Buffy moan and shake. Reaching down, she held herself open for him, rubbing at the aching bundle of nerves above his eager tongue.
Oh, yeah, look at that! Angelus growled. All pink and pretty – holding herself open for daddy!
He couldn’t argue with the demon. She was pretty and pink. Licking at the tight opening, Angel pressed his tongue inside to taste her. Buffy moaned again, arching up against his mouth.
Moving up, he licked across her fingers before moving her hand down. Kissing one fingertip, he guided it inside of herself, gently stroking in and out. After a few moments, he pulled her finger out and licked off the sweet juices.
This was something Angel had always loved, licking Buffy's fingers as she pleasured herself. Kissing her fingertips again, he guided two inside of her, adding one of his own to help set the right rhythm.
“Angel… Angel…” Buffy moved restlessly, arching her hips as he licked and lapped at her. Inside, his finger curled up to stroke the hidden spot that no one else had ever been able to find. “Yes…”
Nuzzling the tiny, sensitive bud she was rubbing, Angel licked and sucked at it through her fingers. She began whimpering and moaning with more intensity.
Listen to her. Angelus purred. She loves it…
It was close, so close she could almost touch it. It rippled and roared through her breasts and belly down to where Angel’s cool tongue probed between her fingers.
Pulling her knees up, she whimpered in frustration and pushed her fingers in deeper, curling up and seeking the same spot where he was stroking. Her fingers didn’t quite reach the way his did. She whimpered again.
Pulling their joined fingers free, Angel licked Buffy's sweetness from them. He lapped at her for a moment before he gently pushed two of his fingers inside of her. Rising up over her, he settled his weight onto her and lowered his lips to hers.
Fuck her! Growling, Angelus pushed forward the memory of thrusting inside of her. To hell with this finger banging crap!
Ignoring him, Angel pumped his fingers into her pussy in a hard, steady rhythm. Resting the heel of his hand on the sensitive nub, he massaged it until he felt the silken inner muscles clamp down on his fingers.
Sucking Angel’s cool tongue into her mouth, Buffy pulled her legs up and locked them around his back. Rocking up to meet his thrusting fingers, she dug her own fingers into his shoulders to hold him close. “More…”
“You want more?” He nipped at her lower lip. “Tell me.”
“Yes… more…” The pressure was killing her. Another cool finger pushed into her and she cried out softly. “Angel, please!”
“That’s my girl.” Propping himself up on his free arm, Angel watched Buffy's face as he brought her closer and closer to her orgasm. Her lips were parted to let the soft panting cries escape and he could hear her blood singing in ecstasy through her veins. “Come for daddy, lass.”
The soft Irish lilt to Angel’s voice thrilled her. When he was excited, he slipped back into it, and she loved the sound of it. “Tell me you want me, Angel.”
“Oh, lass.” He laughed and leaned down to kiss her again. “You know I want you.”
Not bad enough to fuck her!
“Love you – “ Her body arched up and her eyes opened, wide and green. “Love – you – oh God – “
Angel smiled down at her, feeling her inner walls ripple and tighten on his fingers. “I love you, Buffy.”
“Oh… oh, my…” She sighed as the bubble burst and spread its warmth through her body. “Oh, yes…”
Ok, now fuck her! The mental snarl was one of pure frustration.
Ignoring Angelus, Angel gently slid his fingers from Buffy's warmth, raising them to his lips to suck the taste of her from them. Then he rolled to his back, pulling her against his side. Her hand slid down his belly to his still hard cock, and he caught her wrist.
“Don’t you want – “
“No.”
Yes!
“Yes, of course I do.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “But I’ve had enough happy for awhile.”
“Ah, the dreaded happy.” She yawned and nuzzled her face into the cool soft skin of his throat. “Followed quickly by the dreaded nap in my case.”
“Sleep, love.” He pulled the velvet coverlet up over them. “And be happy for both of us.”
Be happy for me too, cos I damned sure ain’t happy! Angelus pouted. I hate you, Soul Boy!