Begin A New Day
Chapter 6
“Cordelia.” Angel waited a few moments, then knocked again. “Cordelia, come on. It’s Angel.”
She’s not home; let’s get back to Buffy.
“Cordy, I know you’re in there.” He knocked again, harder this time. “I can hear your heartbeat.”
There was still no answer. “Okay.” He sighed. “Hope you’re decent.”
That’d be something new.
Putting his shoulder to the door, Angel forced it open, snapping the lock and tearing the chain from the doorframe.
Cordelia looked up as he walked in. “I didn’t invite you in.”
“No, but you have in the past. That’s why I could – “
“No. I mean – I didn’t invite you in.” She turned her back on him. “Go away.”
“How long are you going to hide in here?”
“Like anybody cares?”
Good point! Let’s go!
“I care.” Angel said softly.
“Sure you do.” Her voice was sharp. “That’s why you had to get Buffy.”
“I care for you, Cordy.” He knelt next to her chair. “And I do love you. But I realize now that it’s not the same kind of love I have for Buffy.”
Way ahead of you. Angelus snorted. Both of you.
“Wow! News flash there!” She sneered.
“And it was wrong for me to try to force the feelings. But, Cordy – “ Angel reached out to take her hand. “You’re family to me – pretty much my only family.”
You want to remind her that you killed your family? Or should I?
“Why did I do those things?” Cordelia wiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I know you don’t love me. But – I thought that I loved you. I believed it, Angel. Why?”
Oh, come on, isn’t he just so loveable? The demon snickered. So broody and cuddly.
“I’m not sure you were with The Powers That Be.” The thought had nagged at him for some time now. “I think maybe you were somewhere else.”
“I remember it – remember being bored out of my skull, Angel. I saw you in Vegas. Oh!” She smiled as the memory came back. “I did something to the slot machine!”
Hey, they never did pay off on that!
“Did you? Or do you just think that you did?”
“I – I – “ It was so clear. Wasn’t it? “I think so.”
“Cordy, you came back with no memory at all. Then it all came back at once, nice and neat.” Too much so. “How do we know if all of your memories did come back to you?”
“So… maybe someone might have put the memories there?” Cordelia frowned. “But why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe they thought giving you the memories of Angelus would turn you against me?”
How? By making you more interesting?
“Then why was I suddenly convinced that I loved you? I don’t love you. I could never love you.”
Wow! News flash there! Angelus chuckled cruelly.
Angel dropped her hand. After all the years they had spent together, he had thought Cordelia saw him as something different than just another demon.
Since when am I just another demon? There was a mental pout. I’m the demon other demons are scared shitless of.
He had that wounded puppy look, and Cordelia realized he hadn’t understood what she was so clearly saying. “I do love you, Angel. But not like that. Eww! Like you said – family.” She paused and looked down at her hands. “You’re my only family, too.”
Oh, God. Now I’m depressed.
“Can we forget – about – “Cordelia’s face flushed. “You know?”
The humping and grunting? Gladly.
“It was – I shouldn’t have – “
Angel was shouldering the guilt, taking it away from her. Well, it is kind of his fault. Cordelia frowned. If I were an international superstar and not hanging out with a vampire, these things wouldn’t keep happening. “Snap out of it! Everything is not about you. It’s about me.”
He blinked at her sudden mood change. “I was just – “
“Whatever! This is about me!” She pouted. “Do I have a ‘womb for rent’ sign on me somewhere?”
Deposit demon spawn here?
“Well, there is that ad I put in the personals.”
Cordelia arched a perfect eyebrow. “Angel, is that a joke?”
“I’m a funny guy.”
In what dimension would that be?
The small smile and the glimmer of mischief in the dark Irish eyes made Cordelia smile. “Yeah, you’re a real comedian.”
Put the crack pipe down, honey.
“Angel, I want to know if my memories are real or put there by some whacko.”
“Cordy, if they covered something up – it may be something horrible.” He shook his head. “Look at what happened to the people that Wolfram and Hart had deciphering Lorne’s reading.”
Oh, can we? I haven’t seen a decent brain splatter in a long time… how bout we crush her head against the wall for a start?
“Angel, I need to know. This thing was in me – “ She shuddered. “Where did it come from?”
“Let me talk to Willow.” Standing, Angel brushed his fingers across Cordelia’s shoulder. “If you’ll stop hiding up here.”
“What? A girl can’t have some alone time?” Standing, she pushed him toward the door. “Get out, I need a shower.”
“Okay, the good news is that I found a spell to bring back Cordy’s memory.”
And there was much rejoicing. Yea…
“And the bad news?” Angel asked.
“Well, it’s pretty powerful.” Willow played with the edge of one of the papers from Lorne’s reading. “I may need some help.”
Remembering Willow’s recent problems with magic, he nodded. She was afraid to channel too much power. “More than Giles and Wes?”
“Yeah.”
“Now, wait a second.” Lorne held up his hands. “If she got that hellspawn the way you normally get hellspawn – then I’m thinking remembering is a bad thing.”
“True.” Angel agreed. “But it’s what Cordy wants. And I know – having memories that you don’t know if they’re really yours or someone else’s – I can’t blame her.”
How do you think I feel? There were mental gagging sounds. All those sappy feelings for your family give me nightmares.
“I thought about that too, Lorne.” Willow assured him. “I’ve got another spell to block them out again. ‘Cos, you know, sometimes remembering is… “ She caught Angel’s eye. “Not so good.”
“I’ll put a call in to the Sisters.” Sighing, Lorne got up from the sofa and walked to the counter.
“You’re sure Wes can’t help?” Angel asked. “You know, he’s okay – at some spells – a few…”
“Sorry, Angelcakes, not for something this big.” Dialing a number, Lorne broke into a big smile as someone answered on the other end.
“Angelcakes?” Willow giggled.
Glaring at her only made her giggle again, and Angel decided retreat was the best way to save his dignity. Getting up, he crossed the lobby and got into the elevator.
Angelcakes? Jesus, why didn’t I kill Kermit when I had the chance? Angelus fumed. They’ll toss me out of the union.
What union were you ever in?
Hello? Order of Aurelius, remember? The Master –
Kicked your ass. In the privacy of the elevator, Angel allowed himself to smirk at the memory.
I was young! The demon protested. Later, if you recall correctly, he rather liked me.
True. The second meeting had gone much better, with Angelus being properly subservient – on the outside at any rate. But he was a little too touchy.
You’re telling me? Way too much with the touching and petting. There was a mental shudder. And that rat face –
Thought that was vamp perfection? He smiled again, remembering Buffy saying the Master had ‘fruit punch’ mouth.
Only if you don’t have a good plastic surgeon.
Buffy was lying across his bed, reading the blue journal. She looked up and smiled as he came in. “Angel.”
“Buffy.” He eyed the book, mentally calculating the odds of snatching it away and making a run for it.
She’d have you before you got to the door.
“Um… I’ve got books if you want something to read.” He pointed at the empty bookshelves. “Somewhere.”
“I like this.” She shook her head.
Angel was embarrassed and uneasy watching her read the journal. He had gone into as much detail as possible. Intimate detail. “Are you sure? I… ah… I have a TV – I think.”
“No, no TV.” Buffy patted the bed next to her. Closing the book, she laid it aside. “Tell me.”
“Tell you?” He sat down beside her. “What?”
“What we did.”
“Oh.”
Well… you fucked like bunnies… then did it some more… am I missing anything?
“Angel.” She sat up. “I was angry at first. This whole day and you didn’t tell me? But I understand now.”
“You do?”
You do?
“After I broke a few things.”
The impish grin made him smile. Leaning over, he kissed her. “I know you hate me making decisions for you – but – “
“I know.” She traced the sensuous lips with a fingertip. “Tell me – tell me what we did.”
And again… you fucked your brains out…
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Reading about it – thinking about it – “ Angel smiled slightly. “I kind of get a little… excited.”
Is that what it’s called? Angelus snickered. The jacking off?
“Let me worry about that.” Buffy grinned again. “Please?”
“Okay, okay.” He threw up his hands in mock surrender. “What do you want to hear?”
Oh, the first time you got her on her hands and knees! There was a pleading tone to the demon’s voice. I love that memory!
“Just start at the beginning and tell me everything. Tell me how it felt.”
The beginning? Angelus huffed. I’ll be over in the sex memories…
“The beginning? Well… Cordy and Doyle were in my office…”