Begin A New Day
Chapter 4
Author’s note: Now that the demon is back in his mental cage... Angelus' thoughts are in monotype corsiva which you can download from the main page.
There was the sound of running in the hallway, and the door burst open. Wes came over to the bed and looked down at Angel’s still form. “The spell is done. Willow and Giles have to rest a bit; it took a lot out of the both of them.”
“I don’t understand.” Buffy's hand shook as she rubbed Angel’s silent chest. “It didn’t do this last time – it wasn’t like this!”
“Different spell.” Wes smiled slightly. “Angel isn’t the only one seeking redemption.”
Angel moaned and began to stir. His chest began to rise and fall as he automatically mimicked the need to breathe.
“Angel, can you hear me?” Buffy leaned down and brushed her lips across his. “Angel?”
“B – Buffy?” He opened his eyes. “Did it – am I – “
“It worked. You were gone. But you’re back.” Smiling, she watched Wes undo the manacles binding Angel’s wrists. “You’re back and it’s okay.”
Sitting up, Angel clutched her to him. “Did I hurt you? Did I hurt anyone?”
“We killed the Beast and saved the world. Again.” She cradled his head on her shoulder and held him tightly. “It’s okay now. It’s over.”
“What happened to your hair?” Angel raised a hand to her new shoulder length style.
“Ah… long story… involving Angelus and a sword.” Buffy couldn’t hold back the grin.
“What did he – did he hurt anyone?” The memories were battering him all at once. Images of fighting and taunting, and pain, so much pain. “What did I do?”
“You took a header off a building again. You really gotta stop doing that.” Sooner or later he would remember killing Connor, but for now Buffy kept it from him. “You did what you had to. You saved everyone. And some of them were pretty ungrateful about it.”
Angelus recovered quicker than Angel, and he snarled and roared in his mental cage. Ruthlessly, he shoved forward his memories of fucking Buffy. Look at this, Soul Boy!
“No…” Angel shook his head. “No!”
“Shh… “ Not sure exactly what was upsetting him, she kissed his cheek and began rocking him in an attempt to soothe him.
Oh, yes! The demon growled. I fucked her and I ate her sweet pussy – and she loved it! She wanted me! Me, Soul Boy!
Angel didn’t want to believe him, but the memories were there. This wasn’t some lewd mental picture that Angelus was so fond of painting. He could remember the smell and taste and feel of her. Remembered Buffy moving under him, kissing him, climaxing with him inside of her.
She’s so fucking good… Angelus purred. He could feel Angel’s pain, and he twisted the knife a little more. So tight and hot… and so eager to please… ah God! I may cum just thinking about it…
Hurt bit into his heart, and Angel lifted his head to look at Buffy. The grey eyes were full of tears, and the wisps of her fear surrounded him.
“I’m sorry.” Buffy knew now what he was remembering. Her tears spilled over. “I’m sorry, Angel.”
Snippets of conversation came to him…
I feel guilty because I want you. And I want him to know that I can’t stop, and I love him...
You accepted me as part of him long ago. You’ve never seen us as two separate people. From the beginning you knew that I was part of him – and you didn’t care...
You’re the only one, Buffy. You’re the only one who knows to love Angel – you have to love Angelus too...
Joy bubbled up through his hurt and confusion. Joy in knowing that Buffy loved him in spite of what he was. She accepted and loved the demon that lived within him. “I love you, Buffy.”
“I love you.”
Just as their lips touched, Angelus revealed Connor’s death. Angel jerked back. “No – no!”
He didn’t want to believe, but the scents and sounds were there. He could feel the sword slide through Connor’s heart and taste his son’s blood in his mouth. “NO!”
The anguish in his voice tore at her heart. “He had to, Angel. It was the only way to kill the Beast.”
“No – please, no! I killed him – I killed him!”
“You didn’t.” She shook him. “Angelus did!”
Oh, and I liked it too! The snarling dropped to a whisper. Remember?
“I remember.” Angel shook his head. “I did it – I did it – I did it – “
Angel was going to blame himself, and nothing she could do was going to change that. Clutching him close again, Buffy whispered to him how much she loved him while he wept and keened in despair.
Eventually, Angel fell into an uneasy sleep, still crying and whimpering softly. Easing out from under him, Buffy went to the bathroom and filled the basin with warm, clean water. Tenderly, she washed his body, cleaning away the filth of his ordeal. Tears ran down her cheeks as she wished she could wash away his pain as easily.
Buffy jerked awake, automatically reaching for the stake she kept under her pillow. It wasn’t there, and she jumped again at a loud slam. Sitting up, she saw Angel prowling around the suite, slamming the dresser drawers and jerking open the closet doors. “Angel, what’s wrong?”
“Where are his things? They’re all gone!”
“His things?” Her head felt stuffed with straw. She had lain next to Angel, talking to him and trying to soothe him as much as she could until she had finally fallen asleep.
“Connor – his things are gone!” He slammed the closet doors shut and stalked back to stand beside the bed.
“Oh, those.” Lying back, she decided there were worse sights to wake to than a naked Angel.
“What have you done with them?” He grabbed her arms and lifted her up. “What have you done with them?”
Her head snapped back as he shook her, and his fingers bit into her skin. “Angel, we packed them up.”
“Why?” He shook her again.
“You’re hurting me.” Buffy said softly.
Angel let her go, horrified at the bruises already forming on her skin. “I’m sorry.”
Smooth move, moron.
“Sit down.” Patting the bed next to her, Buffy waited until he sat down. “It’s been a week since – since we thought you were dead.”
“That long?” He closed his eyes. The days were a blur.
Don’t ask me, Jack. I wasn’t wearing a wristwatch.
“We packed your things so I could take them home with me.” She told him.
“Connor’s things, too?”
“No.” He opened his eyes and frowned at her and she hurried to explain. “I kept a few things that you’d mentioned because they were important to you. But I gave the rest to Cordy.”
“Cordy?” Another brick of guilt fell onto his already overloaded shoulders. “She helped – she was like his mother – “
Cordelia? A mother? There’s a scary thought. “Why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll go down and get you some clothes.”
“Fine.” He said quietly.
“Not that I don’t love the free show.” Buffy put her fingers under his chin and tipped his face up to look into his eyes. “It’ll be better, it will.”
“Sure.”
“How is he?”
“Guilty with a dash of broody.” Buffy sighed as she sorted through Angel’s belongings for a pair of pants. “And a side order of depression.”
“Can’t say as I blame him.” Willow handed her a dark green sweater. “It’s hard; I don’t know how he deals with it all.”
Taking Willow’s hands, she squeezed them comfortingly. Willow carried her own burden. That Warren had murdered Tara and tried to murder her was no consolation. “He broods. It’s a skill.”
“Okay.” A smile quirked the corner of Willow’s mouth. “I’ll be broody Willow, then.”
“Let’s find his boots.” Buffy grinned. “Though keeping him naked is a tempting idea.”
“I bet.” The redhead tossed her a pair of socks. “I’m not finding any underwear.”
“He doesn’t wear any.” Buffy laughed as Willow’s fair skin turned red. It felt good to laugh after everything that had happened in the past weeks, and she threw her arms around Willow, who hugged her tightly and laughed with her.
“Oh man, and me without my camera.” Gunn sighed.
Upstairs, Buffy found Angel sitting wrapped in a sheet and staring out the window. He didn’t turn as she came in.
“I went through your wardrobe and found something dark.” She laid the clothes on the bed. “It was touch and go for a minute, all those bright colors.”
When he didn’t answer, she went to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. His skin was still damp from his shower and warmer than usual. Somehow that felt strange to her in a way his coolness never had. “Hey.”
He turned to look at her for a moment, then turned to stare back out the window.
“You know, you really need to talk to Cordy.” When he didn’t answer, Buffy began massaging the tense muscles under her fingertips. “She’s taking it pretty hard, too. Locked herself in her room.”
“No.” He shrugged away from her touch.
Hey, I was liking that!
“You know, she had that demony baby inside of her. If you – “
“No.” Angel turned to face her again. “I can’t. I can’t talk to her.”
“Why?”
“How can I face her – “ He looked down at where his hands were twisted in the sheet. “It was – I can’t.”
You did, as I recall.
Sex screws everything up. “You’re still her friend.” Buffy ruffled a hand through his thick hair. “Cordy doesn’t remember everything that happened. She wasn’t acting like herself, either.”
“I knew, Buffy. I knew it wouldn’t work.” Closing his eyes, he let his head sink down. “I just wanted to keep you safe.”
“I know.”
“You should have let them kill me.”
“No.” She tugged on a handful of hair until she had him eye to eye. “You’re embarrassed, she’s embarrassed, and you’ll both get over it.”
What about me? Angelus chided. Doesn’t anyone care how I’m feeling?
“Why aren’t you angry with me?”
“Why aren’t you angry with me?” She countered. He didn’t answer, and Buffy leaned down to kiss him. “Get dressed. Lorne got some blood – I didn’t ask and I don’t wanna know from where.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Well, I am!
“Whatever.” Angel still had bruises and cuts, all that remained of the more serious wounds. “Dress or I’ll dress you. Then you’ll eat or I’ll pour it down you.”
Oh… grr…. talk tough to me, baby…
Angel sighed. Knowing Buffy, she’d do just that. Getting up, he went to the bed and began to dress.
Wait! Let’s see if she really will!
He kept his back to her, but Buffy enjoyed the view nonetheless. The gryphon flirted with her as he pulled on his pants. Muscles rippled under the pale skin, making her lick her lips.
Can you smell her? Angelus purred. She’s hot for us…
Shut up. Sitting down, he pulled on his socks and boots. “There. I’m dressed. Happy?”
“No.” She went to him and cupped his face in her hands. “Let’s just try for not unhappy.”
A vision of Connor’s face as the sword pierced his heart rose up before him. “No.”