By Maquis Leader



Rated R

Author’s note: I really hated Jaffen… and so did Chakotay…


Chapter 2: I Tell The Truth Except When I Lie…



“What the hell are you doing?”

“Packing Kathryn’s clothes.” Chakotay looked up as Jaffen entered the bedroom. “I’m not sure she’ll want these things, but you know how women are.”

“How did you get in here?” Jaffen wasn’t happy to come home from a long days work to find Kathryn’s friend in his apartment.

“Transporter.” Chakotay shrugged. “Handy device. Too bad nobody out here in the Delta Quadrant has come up with it yet.”

“I’ve tried to contact Kathryn several times. I keep getting the runaround.”

“I’m afraid Quarren’s authorities have decided to limit contact between Voyager’s crew and indigenous personnel.”

“Indigenous personnel? I’m her fiancé!”

“The crew is getting their memories back and they’re not interested in contact.” Chakotay held up a pair of white cotton panties. “Hmm… little tamer than her usual style.” He grinned. “I prefer black – sets off her white skin. But then I guess she wasn’t really herself here was she?”

“You’re one of her crew?” Jaffen seethed at the thought of this man seeing Kathryn in her underwear. Or less. “Her first officer?”

“Among other things.” He finished emptying the drawers and zipped the duffle bag shut.

Jaffen stepped in front of Chakotay as he started to walk out. " Just what is that supposed to mean? "

Chakotay smiled slowly, letting his eyes convey the message.

" No. "

" Kathryn and I are… lovers. " He said the word salaciously, projecting the image of sweaty bodies locked in a passionate embrace. " We have been for years. "

Jaffen shook his head. "I would think there'd be rules against a superior officer –“

" There are. We decided to ignore them. We were on a 70 year journey, after all." Chakotay stepped past him into the small bathroom. Looking over the different bottles and vials he started packing up any that looked feminine. " The first two years we kept our distance. Then we spent months alone on a beautiful planet. By the time Voyager came back for uswell, there was no going back for us. "

" I don't believe you. " He didn't want to believe him.

" That first night in the bar, she was instantly attracted to me. She didn't remember me and I was disguised, but she wanted me with her. She invited me to dinner, remember? "

" Dinner with the two of us. She was being polite. " Jaffen defended. " She's very friendly. "

" Later that night she saw me again and invited me to have a drink. If I hadn't needed to hide, I’d have taken her up on it. " Chakotay grinned again. " It might have been like the games we play on shore leave sometimes. You know, ‘what's a nice alien like you doing in a bar like this?"

Jaffen’s stomach roiled at the thought of his Kathryn playing such a ‘game’. "She knew you somehow. The same as she knew B'Elanna and Tom Paris. " He didn't want to think of Kathryn and this man having such a strong sexual attraction that even brainwashing couldn’t stop it. " She must've just sensed somehow that she knew you. "

" True. " Chakotay admitted. " But she risked herself to get the regenerator to heal my wound. "

" Kathryn's that way, she'll do anything for a friend. "

" Yes she would. " Closing the small bag of cosmetics, he tucked it into the duffel bag. " After she healed my arm, I removed my disguise and told her who she was. She called to tell you she had some things to pack and would be a while, remember? "

" I remember, she didn't want me to worry about her. " Jaffen felt a chill at the direction this was heading.

" She didn't what you to come looking for her. " Chakotay shouldered past Jaffen and went into the main room. " We made love before she went back to you. "

" I don't believe you! " He grabbed Chakotay’s arm.

" She has freckles scattered across her breasts. " He smiled at the other man's stricken expression. " There’s a small scar on her bottom. On the " Closing his eyes he pretended to curve his hand around something. " On the left cheek. "

Staggering back, Jaffen sat down on the couch. He'd seen those freckles and the scar on her bottom.

Chakotay almost felt bad about the lies he was telling. Almost. " There were sparks from the moment we met. " There was no need for Jaffen to know he'd seen the freckles when she was wearing a swimsuit or that the scar was from an injury on an away mission that he'd treated the best he’d been able without a med kit. Kathryn had the Doctor leave the small scar, laughingly calling it her ‘war wound’.

" You expect me to believe she met you and went to bed with you in the same day? That you have some attraction that strong? "

" Love Jaffen. We have a love that strong. " He corrected. " You're the one who turned me in, not her. She helped me no questions asked. You shouldn't be surprised. Kathryn is a very loving and passionate woman. After all, didn’t she move in with you after a few weeks? "

Putting his head in his hands, Jaffen tried to push away the image of his Kathryn with this arrogant man.

" I don't want Kathryn hurt. " That was no lie.

" I'd never hurt her. " Jaffen whispered, his own heart breaking.

" She’s feeling guilty about cheating on me. I've tried to make sure she knows I understand and I'm not angry about her little affair with you. "

“Affair? We were in love! I wanted to marry her! "

" She was brainwashed. Probably programmed to settle down with someone. " Chakotay looked down at Jaffen. " Someone like you. And be a happy, productive worker. "

" She was genuinely happy with me! "

" If you really knew her, you’d know there's no way she could ever be happy here doing this. " He picked up a mechanical part of some kind and sneered. " Factory work? She's a scientist at heart. She loves our journey, all the things no other human has ever seen. " He set the piece back down and wiped his hands as if they were dirty.

This man intimidated him, towering over him in his red and black uniform. The black eyes cut through him, dismissing him as unimportant the smug smile as he described Kathryn's body in intimate detail. Jaffen stood up and walked to the windows. He'd done a stint in the military and knew officers ruled with the force of their will. Chakotay was a strong obviously aggressive man. What was Kathryn really like to be this man’s superior officer?

" She’s feeling a bit guilty about messing up your life. Kathryn knows your feelings are real even if hers weren’t. "

" They were real for her too, no matter what you want to believe! "

" Jaffen, I'm sorry. Kathryn's told me she's shown me how sorry she is for hurting me. " Chakotay smiled smugly. " And I've forgiven her. Several times. "

" I want to talk to Kathryn. " It was weak, one last protest.

" You will. She's thinking about asking you to come aboard Voyager because she feels so guilty about what she's done to you. " Chakotay hefted the bag to his shoulder. " That would be uncomfortable and would only hurt her in the long run."

The two men stood eye to eye for several moments before Jaffen lowered his gaze to the floor.

Chakotay stood there looking down at Jaffen’s bent neck before tapping his combadge. " Chakotay to Voyager. "

" Voyager here, Commander. "

" Bring me home, Harry. "

" Aye, sir. Kathryn's waiting for you. "

Jaffen watched the other man sparkle out of existence.


Stepping off the transporter pad, Chakotay made his way to the cargo bay and stored the duffle bag next to his stash of cider. If she asked, he'd give it to her. Otherwise he’d eventually space the stuff.

Part of him felt sorry for Jaffen. He knew what it was like to fall under Kathryn Janeway’s spell. However, the jealous part that had made him destroy any hope the man had of a future with Kathryn on Voyager didn’t feel the least bit sorry. When her memory returned, guilt or maybe even a lingering fondness might prompt her to ask him to leave Quarra and come with them. “Sorry, Jaffen, I just can’t take the chance.”

Heading back to the bridge, he checked the reports on the repairs and the crew's status. Tuvok was back at his console. The Vulcan had recovered quickly, fighting the brainwashing procedure from the very beginning.

From the Doctor's reports about a third of the crew was back on duty. For some the recovery had been quick, sometimes within a day, and for others there was little progress. The more programming that had to be done to ensure a contented worker, the longer the recovery time was in the Doctor's opinion.

Turning the bridge over to Tuvok, Chakotay stopped at the OPS console. " Harry, I'm sure I should reprimand you for improper procedure. "

" Yes sir. " The younger man nodded.

" And I'm sure I shouldn’t thank you for it. "

" Understood, sir. "

" Good night, Harry. " Chakotay moved to the turbo lift doors.

" Sir, she is waiting for you. " He bit his lip to keep from smiling as the Commander turned back to him. " She’s checked in several times to see if you'd returned from your meeting with Quarra’s officials. "

There was a gleam in Harry's eye. He knew exactly where his commanding officer had been and why. He also knew that it had been Chakotay and not the Quarren government that ordered there be no contact between the crew and the locals they had met there. In his opinion, the Captain belonged with the Commander and if he had to help cover for him, then so be it.

" Understood, Harry. " Smiling, Chakotay got into the lift. " Tell her I’m on my way, would you? "

" Yes, sir! "


Stopping by his quarters, Chakotay changed into more casual clothes. He hesitated for a moment before putting on his old leather pants and the white shirt he’d worn so often on New Earth. The one she kept stealing to sleep in. It was a game with them. He'd have to steal it back to wear it and when she washed it she’d put it in her with her clothes. Not that he minded smelling like her when he got it back.

Her door opened on the first chime. Stepping inside, he found Kathryn sitting on the sofa staring out at the stars. Another order he’d given was to place the planet on the other side of Voyager as she orbited. Good call, old man.

" Hi. " She put down the PADD she was reading. " So, how'd it go? "

" Very well. I'd call it a successful mission. " He handed her the rose he'd replicated for her.

" It’s beautiful, thank you. " She held it to her nose, breathing in the sweet scent.

" They’re your favorite. " He sat down next to her.

" I noticed. I have a rose perfume, rose bath soap, even rose lotion! " She laughed.

" That’s why you always smell so good. " He leaned closer. " I like it. "

" If only everything was that easy to figure out. " She tossed the PADD on the table. " I'm reading about things that I wrote but I don't understand any of it. Shield frequencies? Plasma clouds? Might as well be in Greek! "

" It’ll come back. " A soft laugh rumbled through him. “I think you may know Greek.”

" I don't know if I want it to come back. Some of the things I've read the Hirogen, the Borg? " She leaned into him. " It all sounds so awful. "

" There’ve been bad times, but plenty of good ones as well. " Chakotay slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. " Tom and B'Elanna getting married. Naomi being born. "

" Meeting you. " She snuggled her face into the curve of his neck. When he stiffened against her, she pulled back and looked into his face. " What, you don't believe me? "

" I – uh – I – sure I do. "

" Here, look for yourself. " Kathryn picked up the PADD again.

" No. " He took it from her and put it back on the table. " That would get me in trouble when you get your memory back. "

" I didn't think you’d read it. Not from what I've read about you. "

" Now you're making me curious. Is there a lot on me in there? " Maybe he should have taken a quick look.

" Quite a bit. " She rested against him once again. " Why don't you tell me about us? "

" There is no us. " Surely she had to know that from reading her logs.

" Are you sure? "

" Kathryn, we care for each other. Protocol won’t allow us to there is no us. " He tried to ignore her hand stroking his chest. " Your choice, not mine. "

" Why would I want a life with no husband? No children? "

" I figure you’ll cave in eventually. " He tried to make it sound like he wasn't bitter.

" Do you love me? "

He closed his eyes. How many times had he longed to hear those words? Why now? " Yes. "

She was quiet for a long time. From reading the Captain's personal logs she knew that she loved Chakotay. She’d read many entries about how she wanted him. But did he know that? " Do I love you? "

" I don't know. " He rested his face against her hair. " I know you care for me. But I don't know how much. I hope and need to believe that you love me. "

" Have we kissed? " She already knew the answer from her logs.

" No, not really. A kiss on the cheek sometimes. " He laughed suddenly. " Not unless you want to count mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "

" Doesn’t sound very romantic. " She sat up, facing him. " Kiss me. "

" I can't. "

" Don't you want to? "

" Kathryn, this isn't fair.Chakotay groaned. His chest hurt so bad he could hardly breathe. " I won't take advantage of the situation and have you hate me for it when you remember everything. "

" Chakotay, when I remember everything, I’ll remember this as well. I promise I won't be angry. " She cupped his face in her hands. " I don't remember your rules or why we shouldn't love each other. One kiss before I know enough to say no. Before I'm stupid enough to lock my love away again.”

Carefully, Chakotay pulled her mouth down to his. He kissed her slowly putting all the feelings he'd held back for so long into it. Exploring her mouth with his tongue thoroughly but not aggressively, swirling and dancing around hers until he coaxed it into his own mouth. Every trick he’d ever learned he used on her. If this was his one kiss, he wasn't going to waste it. He’d remember it forever and by the Spirits so would she.

Kathryn felt like she was drowning. From the moment their lips met a firestorm started inside of her. He nibbled, licked, and sucked at her until she thought she'd lose her mind. When he finally pulled back, leaving her with several small quick kisses, she sighed. " I've never been kissed like that. "

" How do you know? " He teased.

" Even if I don't remember everything. " She raised her mouth to his again. " I know. "

This time he let her feel the passion and lust within him. His tongue plunged in and out of her mouth mimicking the act of sex. Pushing her back, he moved his body onto hers and ground his hips into her so she could feel how much he wanted her.

If the first kiss had been fire, this was lightning. Eagerly she took his tongue into her mouth sucking on it. His moans excited her sending the lightning careening through her. When he pushed her onto her back, she spread her legs welcoming his weight on top of her and the hardness thrusting against her.

Chakotay came to his senses when her hands slid down his back to rest on his buttocks. She was pulling him down onto her as she pushed up into him. “Stop, Kathryn, we have to stop.” Gasping, he pushed up off of her.

“No, I don’t want to stop.” She’d been close to climaxing with him rubbing against her.

“You’ll hate me, Kathryn.” His black velvet eyes were full of fear and longing. “You’ll remember and you’ll hate me.”

Pulling him back down, she cradled his head on her breasts. " I'm sorry, Chakotay. I promise I won't be angry with you. " She stroked his shoulders and back until he relaxed. " I don't know this other woman that I am, but I intend to have a long talk with her. "

" Tell her I love her. " He whispered into her neck. " Tell her not to throw me in the brig while you’re at it.”

" I will. Maybe I can get her to tell you that she loves you. " From her logs she knew she wanted badly to be with him but couldn't have him. Well why not? How can it help these people for her to become a miserable dried up old woman? So desperate she jumps the first alien man who smiles at her. She'd known she was moving too fast with Jaffen but something inside kept urging her to take the chance. Now she knew why.

Chakotay’s weight was heavy and she shifted to get more comfortable. No doubt there was a rule against letting your first officer fall asleep on top of you. Too bad. He was tired and it felt good. If the Captain didn’t like it, she could just show up and say so.

In the logs she’d read countless entries about Chakotay. How he looked on a certain day, if she was happy or angry with him, how tempted she'd been to kiss him and tell him she loved him so many times. And there were more sexual fantasies than she could count, as if writing down the lustful thoughts helped to keep her from acting on them. It was heartbreaking, especially when it was herself she was reading about.

" There’s going to be some changes around here, Chakotay, you can count on that. "




Somewhere during the night they shifted until he was lying on his back with her sprawled across his chest. Chakotay opened his eyes to find Kathryn tracing his tattoo with her fingers. " Good morning. " Not the worst way he’d ever woken up.

" Good morning. " She smiled " I dreamed of you, you know. "

He'd had some pretty racy dreams about her, too. And protocol hadn't been invited. " Did you now? "

" I kept dreaming of a man with brown eyes and black hair. I couldn't see his face, that always bothered me. " Her fingers slid through his raven hair. " I would get close, but he backed away. Jaffen told me it was just a bad dream. I think he thought it was about him. "

" Was it? "

" Jaffen had brown hair and his eyes were…” She had to stop and think about it. “Blue. And there was always this feeling, a hum almost. Now that I'm here, I know it's the ship. I can feel it. "

" Voyager has a pulse, all ships do. " He smiled at her. " You can practically tell me what speed were at. Even blindfolded, I'll bet you’d know if we dropped out of warp. "

" I know. " She kissed him gently. " So why is the warp core offline? "

" Repairs. We took a lot of damage. Luckily the " He searched her eyes. "Kathryn? Captain? "

" Yes. " Her memories had rushed back somewhere during the night. Just when she was feeling the most safe and content. He tried to sit up but she held him down. " I said there'd be changes, Chakotay.” Another soft kiss. “This is the first one. "


The Finale: Let's Blow This Popsicle Stand

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