Fate Is Twisted
By Maquis Leader
Rated PG13
“What’s so funny?”
“This.” Kathryn chuckled again.
“You think this is funny?”
“Yep.”
“Have you always been this twisted and I never noticed?” Chakotay settled more comfortably on the floor of the turbolift.
“Not me, Chakotay.” She shook her head and laughed again. “Fate – the Spirits – whoever is in charge out there – that’s who’s twisted.”
He smiled in spite of the situation. “You think Fate is conspiring against us?”
She laughed. “Don’t you?”
“From the first day.”
The sadness in his black velvet eyes sobered her. “It isn’t supposed to be this way.”
“No.”
They sat in silence for sometime listening to the steady heartbeat of Voyager’s engines.
“Tell me how it’s supposed to be.” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper.
“Kathryn.” Chakotay closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the lift wall.
“Tell me.”
“No.” Pulling his jacket off, he rolled it up to form a pillow.
There was silence again. From far above they heard a Klingon curse echo down the turbo shaft.
Kathryn tugged at the neck of her shirt. “It’s hot.”
“Ventilation system is off.”
“I’m taking my shirt off.” She pulled the turtleneck over her head and tossed it to rest on her already discarded jacket.
He slatted open one eye. Tank top. Like she was really
going to be naked, Chakotay.
“Aren’t you going to take yours off?”
“I don’t wear the tank.”
“So?” She chuckled. “Isn’t that part of what’s supposed to happen? Hot stuffy turbolift – the clothes coming off?”
“Protocol shoved into my heart like a knife.” The image of the two of them naked and fucking on the floor of a stalled lift was one of his favorite fantasies. To be stuck in one with her in reality was torture. He jumped as he felt her hand on his shoulder.
Kathryn knelt next to him. “I’ve never meant to hurt you.”
“I know. It’s not your fault.” Her skin was wet and slick and he closed his eyes before he gave into the urge to touch her, to lick the sweat off her pale skin.
“If I could change things…” She brushed back the raven hair from his forehead. His tattoo glistened in the lowlight. “I would.”
As desperately as he wanted her to touch him, Chakotay turned his head away. “You can’t help it if you don’t love me.” At her soft cry, he opened his eyes to find her blue eyes wide with pain.
“You – you – don’t think I love you?”
“I don’t think it.” Clamping his eyes shut again made it easier to say. “I know you don’t love me.”
“How can you think that?” Her heart ached, each beat agony. All these years she’d cherished their secret love and waited for the day she could throw protocol aside and love him openly.
“Because it’s true. You pushed me away.” He choked on the bitter memories of New Earth. “Every time I hand you my heart you crush it.”
“When have I ever – “
“When have you not?” His voice echoed inside the confined space. He held his breath and waited. “When have you not?” He repeated softly. “Remember the watch?”
“Yes.” She still felt ashamed at the way she’d callously rejected his birthday present. At the time, she'd blamed the energy crunch they'd found themselves in, but the reality was that she was getting weaker in her faith in protocol and had lashed out at him. “I was – “
“I remember. Another crisis that needed your devoted attention.” He sighed. “It doesn’t matter, it’s gone now.”
“No, I have it. I have everything you’ve given me.” She smiled when he opened his eyes to look at her again. “Even the rose from when we went to Lake George.”
“Lake George?” She’d kept that rose? He still remembered carefully picking the peach rose bud from one of his pampered rose bushes.
“We went sailing, remember? After the alien that tried to make me – “
“I remember. And I remember you pushing me away when I tried to tell you how I felt.” Her near death had frightened him into stepping over the line. He’d tried to take her in his arms and tell her he loved her. “I’m ‘such a good friend’, remember?”
“You are, Chakotay, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Kathryn reached out to touch him, but he slapped her hand away.
“Don’t!” He growled. “I don’t want to be your friend!”
“Why?” Her heart caved in. “Why?”
“Because I want to be your lover, your husband!” His throat
ached with the effort of keeping his voice low. “I don’t want to be your
goddamned friend!” He closed his eyes again. For Spirit’s sake, how long
before B'Elanna gets us out? A laugh bubbled out of his bitterness. Isn’t
this what you wanted? No power, no transporter – you and Kathryn in a stalled
lift? Be careful what you wish for.
“What’s so funny?”
“This.” Chakotay chuckled again.
“You think this is funny?”
“Yep.”
“Have you always been this twisted and I never noticed?” Their friendship was in tatters on the turbolift floor.
“Not me, Kathryn.” He shook his head and laughed again. “Fate – the Spirits – whoever is in charge out there – that’s who’s twisted.”
She smiled in spite of the situation. “You think Fate is conspiring against us?”
He laughed. “Don’t you?”
“From the first day.”
The sadness in her smoky blue eyes sobered him. “It isn’t supposed to be this way.”
“No.”
They sat in silence for sometime listening to the steady heartbeat of Voyager’s engines.
“Tell me how it’s supposed to be.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper.
A smile tilted up the corner of her mouth. “It’s hot, so we strip down to our skivvies.”
“I don’t wear skivvies.”
“Oh?” So much for the boxers or briefs pool. Things would get a lot hotter a lot quicker in that case. “Guess you’d be naked then.” She smiled at that image of them both naked and fucking on the floor of the stalled lift.
“Careful, someone might overhear.” Chakotay warned softly.
“We’d try not to look at each other, but… we would. Then we’d touch.”
“Watch out, Kathryn, you’re going to step over the line.”
“To hell with the line.” She leaned close. “I’ve wanted to kiss that damn tattoo from the first moment I saw you.”
Chakotay tensed as her lips touched his brow. Fire raced across the dark lines down into the pit of his belly. “Don’t”
“Why?” He tasted sweaty and male.
“I’ve started dating Seven.”
She fell back to sit on the floor with a thump. “Seven? When? Why?”
“Because she asked me out.” He twisted the knife. “Because she’s not afraid to love me.”
“She doesn’t know what love is!” Had Seven held him and kissed him? Was that why her hologram was of Chakotay?
“Neither do you.”
“How can you – “ She wiped at the tears that trickled down her cheeks. “How can you not know how much I love you?”
“How could I know, Kathryn? When have you ever shown me?” The tears on her face were acid washing over his newfound resolve to move on. “When did you ever give me a sign? Even the smallest, tiniest sign?”
“Everyday!” How could he not see? “I can’t say – I try to show you – I touch you when – “ She put her face in her hands, unable to hold the tears back.
“Kathryn, don’t cry.” He couldn’t move for the weight on him. “Please.”
She leaned back against the opposite wall, crying silently into her hands.
“Please.” It was true she touched him more than she did anyone else, and her hand always lingered a beat longer than was strictly proper. And she was the master of the meaningful gaze. “Come here.” She shook her head. “Come here.”
Slowly, Kathryn took the hand he held out to her. Chakotay pulled her against his side and she buried her face against his neck. “Shh… don’t cry… I love you.” Fresh sobs shook her slim body. “Don’t cry, beloved, please don’t.”
“I wish – I wish – “ She hiccupped.
“It doesn’t matter.” Sucker! She cries crocodile tears and you fold!
“It does. I love you, Chakotay!” She whispered fiercely. Nuzzling the satiny skin under his ear, she breathed in his warm spicy scent before pressing her lips to the pulse pounding in his throat. “Don’t leave me, Chakotay.”
“Never.” The chains tightened around him once again, shackling his heart even more firmly to her than before. “I can never leave you.” He sighed as her lips moved up along his jaw. Turning his face to her, he captured her lips with his own.
Sliding her tongue into his mouth, Kathryn suckled him greedily, tasting him as she’d longed to do for so long. Tangling her fingers into the raven hair, she held him still while she plundered his mouth.
Grunting at the pleasure of the kiss, Chakotay snaked a hand
up into her hair, tangling it at the back of her neck. Should have tried this years ago. Maybe
I’ll get lucky and she’ll give me a pity fuck to make sure I never try to get
away again!
A clang on the roof of the lift caused Kathryn to pull back.
“B'Elanna must be ready to get us out of here.” It was over too soon. He sighed, considering the circumstances it was more than he could have expected.
“We need a shower.” She ran finger over his tattoo and down along his nose. “We’re sweaty pigs.”
“A long cool shower.” He was roasting in the Starfleet turtleneck and his hardon was aching uncomfortably as he shifted so it wouldn’t be noticeable.
“It’s hot.”
They both looked down at Naomi. The little girl’s face was flushed.
“You’re the one who wanted to sleep on my lap.” Chakotay pulled her sweat soaked hair back from her face. His jacket was wet from where her head had rested against his leg.
“You’re softer than the floor.” Naomi sat up and rubbed her eyes. “When can we get out?”
“In a few – “ Kathryn stopped as the lights kicked up to full and the lift began to move. “Whenever you want.”
Chakotay stood and let the cool air from the vents wash over him. Timing, it was always bad timing with him and Kathryn. They finally start to cross those barriers only to be interrupted. And accompanied by a chaperone no less. Fate really was a twisted bitch.
“You know,” Kathryn said as the doors opened. “I rather take a bath.”
“I thought a shower sounded a bit out of character.” Chakotay lifted Naomi into her mother’s waiting arms. “I seem to remember you being a bath girl.”
“Yep.” She led him down the corridor toward their quarters. “I need a long hot bath with bubbles.”
“I’ll settle for a shower.” He went past her door and on toward his own quarters. Afterwards, he’d tell Seven it was over. Over? Hell, admit it, Chakotay! It never started. “Dinner later?”
“Sure.” Kathryn punched in her door code. “So, you coming, ‘bubbles’?”
Chakotay’s jaw dropped as Kathryn went into her quarters. Her hand poked back out the doorway and her fingers curled up beckoning him in. Reaching for her hand, he let her pull him into her quarters.
